Vatican Crisis Revealed
by CatsbytheGreat
Summary: What happened the night the Vatican was almost destroyed, in the words of Mr. Robert Langdon himself, in real time.


**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or Twitter. Characters are to Dan Brown as Twitter is to…I don't know, but it isn't mine. **

**Author's Note: This is not a serious story, so don't get angry. But I just love the idea of someone using Twitter to tell the story of Angels and Demons. After all, people Twitter everything these days. I actually got the idea while watching The Da Vinci Code.  
**

**

* * *

**_From The New York Times._

A new Pope has been declared, the Vatican remains in one piece, and the vast amount of Catholics can rest in peace. After last week's events in Vatican City it seems that the center of Catholicism is returning to business as usual.

Yet there have still been some unanswered questions. Many have wondered what happened to Camerlengo Carlo Ventresca, who seemed to have been an excellent candidate for the papacy. Mr. Ventresca was reported to have died from his injuries acquired earlier in the night, but investigators have uncovered evidence to the contrary. In fact, not only does this new evidence enlighten the public about Ventresca's death, but it also paints a stunning picture of the events that unfolded that night.

Authorities have uncovered Mr. Robert Langdon's Twitter account. As many know, Mr. Langdon was called to the Vatican to help find the anti-matter and prevent the murders of the four cardinals. He was unsuccessful, but it is nice to know that Mr. Langdon, however much he may have failed the cardinals, was unwilling to fail the public at large. His Twitter was diligently updated throughout the crisis. Below is the full Twitter of the events, released by the authorities for your viewing pleasure.

**RobertLangdon****:** Going for a swim. Be back in time for class.

**RobertLangdon:** Interrupted by Vatican Officials. On the way to Switzerland. Class cancelled. Will bring chocolate.

**RobertLangdon: **CERN scientist was killed. Symbol on his chest. Don't know what I'm doing here.

**RobertLangdon: **Illuminati may have returned. If you don't know, Google 'Illuminati'.

**RobertLangdon:** Being flown to the Vatican. No chocolates, sorry. May pick up pasta in Rome.

**RobertLangdon: **Met with the Swiss Guard. The head is really grumpy. Four Cardinals may be murdered, anti-matter is in the Vatican. Must not panic.

**RobertLangdon: **Miss Vetra has just informed me that we have until midnight. Panic! Run away!

**RobertLangdon:** If anyone knows where the anti-matter is, please call the police, because I sure as hell can't find it.

**RobertLangdon: **Stole an official document from the Vatican Archives. Shh! It's for the investigation, honest!

**RobertLangdon:** Headed for the Pantheon to look for Cardinal #1.

**RobertLangdon:** I wish I brought my camera. Might steal one off a Swiss Guard.

**RobertLangdon: **Pantheon was the wrong place. How was I so stupid? FAIL!

**RobertLangdon: **Went to a different Church. Cardinal died. One down, three to go. Where do you think the next place is?

**RobertLangdon: **Back in Saint Peter's Square. We've got 'em this time!

**RobertLangdon: **Didn't get 'em. Cardinal #2 dead. Damn.

**RobertLangdon: **Swiss Guard knows I stole document. The blond one hates me.

**RobertLangdon:** I was almost killed in the Vatican Archives! This is serious now!

**RobertLangdon:** Cardinal #3 died, too. This time it was fire. Some Swiss Guards died, too.

**RobertLangdon:** Oh, yeah, and Vittoria Vetra was kidnapped. If you see her, call the police.

**RobertLangdon: **Cardinal #4 is finished, too. I don't know why they called me.

**RobertLangdon: **Found the killer and Vittoria. We…er…killed him. Headed back to Vatican to save camerlengo.

**RobertLangdon:** Camerlengo was branded by CERN director, who was killed. We are confused. I got a video camera out of it, though.

**RobertLangdon:** Camerlengo knows where the anti-matter is. We think. We're following him. I don't have a better plan.

**RobertLangdon:** This camerlengo is pretty damn smart.

**RobertLangdon:** Found the anti-matter! Now—OMG! The camerlengo is running away with it!

**RobertLangdon:** Running after the camerlengo. He's headed for a helicopter. Can this night get any weirder?

**RobertLangdon: **In a helicopter with the camerlengo. We're going to die, but at least we'll die heroes. Remember me. Subscribe to my Twitter.

**RobertLangdon:** The camerlengo abandoned me! What the hell am I supposed to do? Wait, I saw something in a movie once…

**RobertLangdon:** Movie stunt worked. I feel like Jesus Christ back from the dead. Oh, and I saw a video. It revealed that the camerlengo is guilty.

**RobertLangdon:** Informed the Cardinals. They took it well. They think I'm a genius. I should be Pope.

**RobertLangdon: **Vittoria Vetra is attractive when she's worried about me.

**RobertLangdon:** Oh, yeah, the camerlengo just set himself on fire in front of everybody. I guess I can be Pope now.

**RobertLangdon:** The camerlengo killed the previous pope, too, who was his father. Sorry, forgot to mention that. And something about science.

**RobertLangdon:** They're resuming conclave. Damn. Now I can't be Pope.

**RobertLangdon:** Tired. Going to bed. Really p-oed about not being elected Pope. I saved their sorry butts. And I'm a Harvard Professor.

**RobertLangdon:** Woke up. Got an illuminati diamond brand as a gift from the blond Swiss Guard. I'm thrilled. But it's not the same as being Pope.

**RobertLangdon:** Had sex with Ms. Vetra. Now I'm going back home to tell my professor friends and students about it.

**RobertLangdon: **Btw, sex with a yoga master IS good.

**RobertLangdon:** Back at Harvard. I'm going to suggest that I become the Pope of Harvard. Comments? Vote for me!

**RobertLangdon: **Was I not supposed to post about the camerlengo? Ooops. Well, er, subscribe to my page anyway! Goodnight!


End file.
